The System is Rigged: And No, You’re Not Crazy—It Was Built This Way

Let’s get on the same page here because I know you know it. The system is rigged—and it was built for women to fail. It’s that simple. And it’s that complicated.

I don’t remember exactly when I fell in love with Women’s Studies, but I enrolled in course after course in college. I was hungry for true stories about women who changed the world not because they were granted power, but because they had none.

Like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who co-led the National Woman Suffrage Association with Susan B. Anthony. She wrote The Woman’s Bible, which reviewed & critiqued how religious texts are used to justify women’s subordination and the challenge of gender equality.

Susan B. Anthony was arrested in 1872 for voting as a woman and boldy refusing to pay the $100 fine. She spent her life fighting for women’s right to vote. She’s the reason I have the freedoms I have – simply based on the way I was born. And the 19^th Amendment, which granted women the right to vote, was ratified 14 years after her death.

 And then there’s Gloria Steinem—my favorite. A journalist (like I wanted to be!) turned activist, turned icon. She used words as weapons and gave feminism a microphone. My literal hero, she co-founded Ms. magazine, which created space for women’s voices, issues, and, well, rage.

I admired these women. I absorbed their courage. I did not expect their fight to show up in my life.

Not until I became a corporate refugee did I understand how inescapable this system really is. From impossible double standards to moving goalposts, I began to see the blueprint for what it really was: all that “opportunity” was just burnout in heels dressed up as a career milestone (stay with me for future posts, I have some stories to share).

The patriarchal workplace hands out praise for burnout, side-eye your boundaries, and only celebrates your ambition if it comes with softness. Lead like a boss. Care like a mother and giver. Stay likable. They'll applaud what you produce—then ignore the costs. Period. 

And trust me you really are just a number. Ouch, I’m so sorry. I’ve felt the deep cut of it. It sucks.

No, I’m not writing about men and or hating men. My opinion of the patriarchy isn’t about hating men. It is acknowledging that the systems were built by men for men and there’s an impact on women. And how masculine dominance shaped everything from job structures to office culture—and why that still matters. Among other things.

While I’m here, feminism is also not the hatred of men but the demand to recognize that systems - not individuals - are the problem. The system is rigged. Period.

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In this three-part series, we will journey through: 

Part One: Built Without Us (Patriarchy: The Original Blueprint)

Part Two: Capitalism Doesn’t Care (Capitalism: The Original Gaslighter)

Part Three: Hustle Culture Hates (Hustle Culture: The Performance Trap)

Basically, when you’ve completed the three part series, I want you to know two things.

1. It’s not your fault.

2. You are not crazy.

Before you join me for Part One (my next post), let’s talk about boys & men. Acknowledging the ways boys & men are conditioned to live, learn and - for some, parent. The Patriarchy cages men, too. 

From a young age, boys are taught:

• To "Be tough." "Don’t cry." "Man up." 

• To suppress emotions to maintain the look of “strength” and do not be vulnerable - because what would that look like?

• To lose connection to the body, to emotion, to support, to repair, to validation.

• To learn success is defined by dominance and achieving to provide value and status.

So, what happens?

• Anger - it masks grief and pain

• Independence - it masks isolation and loneliness

• Fathers who lack presence and sometimes participation because how do they slow down?

• Partners who love deeply but were never taught how to express it.

Lack of want? No way. Lack of permission. Can you see it? This is a form of loss  … and, potentially trauma.

So, what do they deserve?

• Permission to feel - without judgment, rejection or labels

• Models of masculinity that include softness, empathy and rest

• Spaces to be human not just providers and protectors

• Healing from emotional abandonment 

• Access to support free from shame

I acknowledge that men carry wounds too. Deep wounds created by a system nobody would choose. There’s room for all of us in the work of undoing what never served us.

There is so much power in a healed woman. Proud of us. All of us. 

Note: For the sake of clarity, please know that I write with deep inclusivity in mind - and want every reader to feel seen. I use the terms men, women, masculine, and feminine to talk about patterns shaped by patriarchy—not fixed truths. These terms are imperfect and gender is not binary. My work centers on women, but everyone is welcome in this conversation.